Christmas Lights Everywhere!

I can't get over how beautiful Kansas City becomes during advent, with all of the Christmas lights hung and glowing.
There hardly seemed to be any lights like this in Hilo, Hawaii.
Part of that, I'm sure, is the cost of electricity in Hawaii. It's very expensive, and leads many people in Hawaii to live "off the grid" or on solar power.
It sure feels like advent in KC, and I'm amazed at the beauty of the evening when it reflects such color and hopefulness.
The Lord is so good!

A Full-Course Meal!

I slept an incredible 14&1/2 hours last night after my overnight flight from Hawaii on Friday, so I went to an evening Mass tonight.
Before I went, though, I read about an advent festival at the downtown Episcopal Cathedral at 5:00 pm tonight. Since I planned to go to the downtown Catholic Cathedral for Mass at 6:00 pm, I decided to sample the festival before heading over to Mass.
In effect, I had a full-course meal, with "A Festival of Advent Lessons and Music" at the Episcopal Cathedral (top picture) serving as my appetizer, and the Mass at the Catholic Cathedral (lower picture) becoming a wonderful banquet.
While the music was nice at the Festival, it was extraordinary at the Mass. One of the most beautiful songs was "The King Shall Come When Morning Dawns" by John Brownlie, who lived from 1857 to 1925. Both lyrics and melody were gorgeous and sumpteous. I can't describe what a joy it was to celebrate such a liturgically perfect Mass with incredible music and an advent theme in the cold December evening, inside of a warm and glowing cathedral.
How good God is!

Our Tenants

We have quite a few tenants on our two, spaghetti-length acres of land here in Mountain View. About twenty of them are chickens (but not, alas, this egg, to be eaten soon).
Chickens are unusual creatures, I have found. Roosters are very different from hens, and both can fall into one of only a few categories. For instance, I have found that all roosters (so far) crow, but not all are aggressive. Some hens are good brooders and chick-raisers, but some ignore their brood and even let their eggs be eaten.
Nonetheless, they make for generally good company.
I am amazed at the beauty of God's creation whenever I am here in Hawaii, not just for chickens, but for the stars and flowers and rain and sun and trees and frogs and crabs and lizards and on and on. I just read this morning that there may be three times the sextillion number of stars previously estimated to exist. I bet there's a sextillion times that number, or, more likely, infinity-number of stars.
Wow!!

St. Joseph Church - Hilo

I have had the opportunity to attend Mass in the four area Catholic churches in the Hilo area over the past twelve days, and St. Joseph is the largest, warmest, sunniest and best-lit of them all. The religious order that staffs this church, the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament, was founded in Paris in 1856, and has missions all over the world. The priests at St. Joseph all hail from the Philippines, and know of the order with which I have been associated since arriving in KC 38 years ago: SOLT, or the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity. I feel so blessed to have this wonderful relationship with these priests and church.
Because I am leaving Hawaii this afternoon, I went to a different church this morning, Sacred Heart Church in nearby Pahoa. I was privileged to catch a Holy Hour after Mass that included an opportunity for confession. A lot of folks my age (59) joke about never passing up a bathroom visit, and I would add to that another "should not miss": the opportunity to go to (frequent) confession. When I got back to the house and told Karol about one of the "fruits" of my confession, she in turn joked that it's never a bad idea to get to confession before leaving on a 4000 mile, two-stop-over, plane trip! But what I found was a great confessor who took the time to address some of my failings in such a thoughtful and insightful manner. Fr. Joey is a great priest, and he remembered me from my past visits, and led me this morning to a deeper union with God.
What blessings I have received on this visit "home". Now, its back to work in the near-winter conditions of KC!

No Whales....

....but plenty of peace as I walked along the coast today on my 59th birthday. I feel very blessed to have attended a beautiful Mass in Hilo today where Father Greg gave a great homily on the heavenly banquet.
We had such a banquet at my house tonight, with an incredible cheesecake baked by my daughter, Liz!

Scrupulosity

Karol loves the Little Flower, St. Therese of Liseaux. Over the years of our marriage, she has shared with me many times how "the little way" contrasts with my more rigid observance of my faith.
I really could not appreciate and understand this "little way". I could see the huge impact it had on Karol's life and spirituality. She is a deeply humble person, unlike me, and she was, and still is, almost totally focused on loving and caring for our children, now adults.
Interestingly, the parish in which we reside is St. Theresa Parish, after the Little Flower. Moreover, we have a grotto in our back yard in Hawaii where we installed a small statue of St. Therese. It is lovely.
So when I arrived in Hawaii recently for Thanksgiving and found myself exhausted and jet-lagged, with other modern anxieties in tow, I picked up one of Karol's books about The Little Flower and devoured it! More than ever before, I "got" her, as "they" say. Then, when I came across her reflections on her battle with "scruples" (a term then in use which is now referred to as scrupulosity), I saw myself. I saw what Karol had been seeing in me throughout our marriage.
I asked the Lord for healing, and to be possessed more by Him, as completely as it would be possible. In other words, I let Him take charge, so that I would even give Him now my worries and anxieties, not just what I thought was worthy in me to give Him.
What a difference!
Thank you, Lord, for this marvelous Flower you gave us; for the love of my wife, who has guided me to this little, and wonderful, way, of love and mercy and forgiveness (of self).
I'm prepared to return to Kansas City this Friday and to resume my work and training. Thank you, Jesus.

Walks

It's been a blessing for me and my daughter, Liz, to take our dogs for long walks by the ocean cliffs and adjacent areas.
I heard today that the humpbacks whales have finally arrived. I can't wait to view them on our next walk!

Heavenly Hilo Clouds

As I drove back and forth into Hilo to get the right door handle for our house, I had plenty of opportunity to gaze heavenward at the beautiful and magnificent clouds of Hilo. Its simply amazing to gaze and pray with the beauty and majesty of God so evident!

Lead Thou Me On

It was almost cold enough last evening for snow, as I glanced out the office entrance before leaving work yesterday.
I'll be going soon to Hawaii. I'm excited to be returning to my wife and family.
But You, Lord, are my true guide and destination.
You live everywhere, especially where you are worshipped and honored.
I love You. Lead me on to where you will!

Now That's a Picture!

It's amazing what technology can do! It's almost like a Hawaiian rainbow!
I was so deeply honored to receive this recognition on Saturday night for all of the accomplishments that occurred at DeLaSalle while I was director. I was also honored that several of my dear colleagues could join me for this event. What a blessing!

Aaron

This Thursday, November 11, is the eighth anniversary of the death of our son, Aaron. To remember him and to offer others the blessing of forgiveness and healing when we suffer tragic loss, the Fifth Annual Mass for Forgiveness and Healing will be held this Thursday at 6:00 pm at St. Louis Church in Kansas City. Bishop Rober Finn will celebrate Holy Mass and give a special blessing afterwards to all in attendance. Please join us if you can.
This picture memorializes the vision Karol received when we were viewing Aaron's body just after his death when he was laying on a gurney in a hospital operating room. Karol said that it was like a great light appeared over Aaron's body and he was in the arms of Jesus.
Ever since, I have grown in my faith and in my love of Our Lord and His mercy and healing, the Lord who reached beyond time and space to hold my dying son in his loving arms.

Art on a Fence

I sometimes walk by DeLaSalle from the house where I live when I am in Kansas City. I've been here for five weeks and it will be another two weeks before I am able to return to Hawaii to see Karol and our family.
While Hawaii is scenic, how can you compare it to the eclectic beauty of something so unique as DeLaSalle's Art on a Fence project?

Blessed Jerzy Popieluszko

This remarkable and courageous priest was murdered by the Communist totalitarian regime in Poland in 1984.
I remember the surreal circumstances of his death, occurring just after he said Mass for the Solidarity union movement in Poland. He was tortured and his body was found wrapped in chains at the bottom of a reservoir. Amazingly, the three police officers who killed him, and their supervisor, were placed on trial and FOUND GUILTY! However, they were released under an amnesty process, that no doubt hastened the fall of Communism in Poland and in the entire world. It was clear from that trial that the government had set out to torture and persecute a man of conscience who became a victim for the Polish people, like that of St. Maximillian Kolbe during WWII.
This past June, Fr. Jerzy was declared a Blessed, which is the last stage before canonization in the Church. He is seen as a modern Saint Stanislaus, and a hero for our modern world.

St. Peter Claver

I have the honor of being a Knight of St. Peter Claver, a fraternal Catholic organization named after the missionary to African slaves brought to South America in the 1500s.
Slavery was a horrific and shameful occurrence, especially in the Americas. But St. Peter Claver ministered to hundreds of thousands of these tortured individuals.
At our annual Mass for the feast of St. Peter Claver yesterday, the presiding priest spoke of the utter dehumanity of this practice. I could not help but reflect on the continuing dehumanizing that occurs through abortion and genocide.
St. Peter Claver, Pray for us!

Adopted Goldfish

I'm so glad that Sam and Sophie Silva have taken good care of my goldfish since we moved many of our belongings from our house in Kansas City to Mountain View, Hawai'i.
I had a chance to see a few of my old fish this week. Sam and Sophie (mostly Sophie) have given them all names. The big one in the picture is Finn, short for Finnegan. Sophie researched fish names on the internet, and came up with this cute gem.

Apostolic Cooking!

Sister Mary Mediatrix and Sister Mary Heather did the cooking at a recent picnic at the convent. I brought some Coke Zero and a CD by my favorite Hawaiian musician, IZ. It was a nice time.

Mobile Office

The DeLaSalle Mobile Office is a 1993 Jeep Cherokee donated to DeLaSalle by Brian Sanders. The car is parked in this picture in front of the house where I room with Fr. Carlos and George Kendzora while I am in KC. -

Apostolic Farming

Rich Sauer is a scientist, a beekeeper and a good family man who once served at Madonna House with Catherine de Hueck Doherty. While at Madonna House, Rich learned about apostolic farming from Doherty, who wrote that she was "...engaged in the occupation of farming because we want to spread the Good News by living the Gospel, and there is no better place to live the Gospel than on a farm.";
Doherty believed that farming was a ministry or a form of worship, versus a source of employment. Rich views his honey collection in the same fashion.
Catherine de Hueck Doherty's cause for canonization as a saint is now under consideration by the Catholic Church.
By the way, Catherine de Hueck Doherty is no relation to me, but in faith, she is my sister!

A Slave of Love to Mary and Jesus

Total Consecration involves a vow of love so complete that the term "slave" is used. Some very distinguished Catholic writers have been "completely turned off" by this phrasing and approach, considering it to be distasteful and offensive. Interestingly, today's second reading at Mass was from Paul's letter to Philemon and concerned the matter of a slave (Onesimus) that was imprisoned with Paul and who had converted to Christianity. I happened to proclaim this reading to St. Louis Church at the 10:00 am Mass this morning myself, and I had to wonder how this reading impacted the mostly African-American congregation.
I should note, though, that as a white person, I felt uncomfortable presenting this reading. The American history of slavery has been horrifically ugly and violent, especially in its after-effects like continuing segregation and racism.
I just read a review of The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration and found myself unnerved by the continuing legacy of slavery through Jim Crow laws, and the harsh and terrible discrimination not only in the southern US, but also after the great migration, in the north US.
So there is definitely a lot of punch and bite in using a term like "slave of love to Mary and Jesus" in being consecrated totally, as I am now doing (for the ninth consecutive year). It is a total abasement and oblation of self to God, something so deep and profound that I can barely grasp it. Sin is ugly, and requires warfare to address it and conquer it, and total abandonment to Jesus and Mary.

The Trinity

What a mystery!
El Greco's painting of the Most Holy Trinity is one way to consider this essential Catholic doctrine.
Another is to look at each of the Persons of the Trinity and reflect on their existence. In that respect, God the Father is our Abba, or Daddy. El Greco and others possibly do Him a disservice to have us envision Him as an old man. Abba is our Father but not necessarily an old man. He is the vibrant, eternal Being who wants us to know and share His innermost Being. He sent His Son to lead us to Him, and He desires us to know both Him and the Son.
One of my goals during the next 33 days of preparation for my total consecration to Jesus through Mary is to also have Jesus and Mary show me the Father. I want to know the innermost Being of the Father who has adopted me into His eternal family, into the Trinity.
I think it is so providential that I have been able to make such a fundamental transition in my life in order to plunge into service as an aspirant to the diaconate, unencumbered by the role I used to have as a public figure running a school. Being in a subsidiary role allows me to express more fully this dynamic development towards service and love of God than I have ever been able to do.
I can minister to more people in this fashion, and to offer deeper relationships to those I serve, even those individuals to whom I request money for DeLaSalle.
I believe that God is using my recent life changes to allow me to be more open to His grace, and to embrace that grace and to live it more openly, and to witness to His love for us, for me. What a blessing!
The Trinity brought this to mind for me, and so I wanted to share it with you. I know this is jumbled, but it is heartfelt!

Annual and Total Consecration

Today I begin my 33 day preparation for my annual total consecration to Jesus through the Blessed Mother.
That's a mouthful, isn't it?!
But it means so much to me, especially this year, as I have changed my life so dramatically to follow the Lord more deeply.
This total consecration was a practice revealed many years ago to a French priest, St. Louis Marie de Montford (pictured).
Some call it an archaic and outdated practice.
But it has had miraculous affects in my life, and has led me consistently deeper into the mystery of God's love for me and for all of us.

St. Gregory and the Perils of Administration

Today is the feast of St. Gregory the Great, an administrator in the Roman Empire, monk and then pope. While in the monastery, he was known for codifying monastic prayer and developing Gregorian chant.
But most interestingly, he was a prolific and engaging writer. He wrote of his frustrations with himself, and the problems he faced upon leaving monastic life for the papacy. He observed that he was consumed with the matters of administration. His mind was "divided and torn to pieces" by problems, he found that he let his "tongue run" and was drawn into "idle conversation" and talking "freely about matters which once I would have avoided. What once I found tedious I now enjoy."
Since leaving my administrative responsibilities, I resonate with these thoughtful observations of such an honest and holy man. I hope I did not lead too many people astray by my chatter and droning on about things when I ran DeLaSalle. It's been good for me to step back from what I once thought was so essential to my life, and to try to do things differently and with more love and purpose. I pray that God can lead me more deeply into loving service without focusing too much on myself.

Office Blessing

I was honored today that my pastor and KC housemate came down to Eleventh Street this morning to bless my office. Father Carlos Saligumba prayed that my work in my office would reflect God's glory and bring about much good. Amen!

Dogs, Chickens and Cats, Oh My!

Here are two of our four dogs, two of our twenty chickens, and none of our five cats. Yes, it's quite a menagerie in Mountain View, Hawaii!

Backyard Grotto

As soon as I got the backyard of our house in Hawaii cleared of brush and other objects, I took an older crucifix and placed it against a large rock. This crucifix will be there until our statue of St. Theresa of Liseaux arrives, and is placed in this grotto. Karol has a deep devotion to "The Little Flower" as St. Theresa is known. The nearby parish to which we belong in Mountain View is also named after St. Theresa!

New Haircut

As hot as it gets in KC, I need to keep my hair short and cool!

Crisis Intervention Training

This past Wednesday, I spent an hour at the County Jail talking about the importance of Crisis Intervention Training (CIT). I was part of the "family panel" with Larry Aron (facing the camera in the picture) as we gave personal testimony about mental illness.
If the policemen who came to my house on November 11, 2002 had received CIT, I firmly believe that my son, Aaron, would not have been shot and killed that day. I'll talk 'till the cows come home anytime anywhere about the value of CIT.

Taking Shape

Things are starting take shape at DeLaSalle with a new roof, and a new sign announcing the new charter!

Ominous Clouds, Thunder, Sirens (and Mercy)

I returned to work in my downtown Kansas City office on Friday, August 20, and spent most of the day ensconced in my office that has no windows. Around 2:30 pm, I thought I'd step outside for a minute and see what was happening.
I was surprised to see dark clouds and to hear the rumbling of thunder, accompanied by a wailing siren. I have been used to foreboding clouds in Hilo but not thunder and certainly not a possible tornado!
Whenever things look this ominous, I'm reminded of the times in which we live and God's justice.

The Four Angels of Holy Rosary Church in Ke'eau

They are each unique, with individual expressions and postures.
These four angels are positioned at four pivotal stations within the small Catholic church in Ke'eau, about 8 miles down the mountain from our house.
The two angels holding the sanctuary candles (top two pictures) are at either side of the front of the church, facing the altar and tabernacle.
The two angels holding the bowls for holy water (bottom two pictures) are at the back of the church facing one another.
Angels have a special role in our faith as Catholics and Christians.
They were created by God for specific purposes and functions, and have characteristics associated with one of the nine different "choirs" to which all angels belong.
These choirs, in descending order of rank, are as follows: Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Dominions, Virtues, Powers, Principalities, Archangels and Angels.
It is only my guess, but I think these angels are of the Cherubim rank, as it would be their duty to be celestial attendants and to praise God.
All of us have a Guardian Angel, whose rank is that of angel. Their role is to deliver prayers to God, and God's answers and blessings to us, as well as to care for us.
May your angel guard and protect you all the days of your life!

Chores

One of the chores I had to do before leaving was to help Karol with her garden and plants.
It was pretty mundane, but I really enjoy working outside for a change.
I will return to Kansas City soon and go back to desk work, so I need to soak up as much outside energy as I can!
I was pretty worn out after kayaking and gardening, but I knew that last night was a special night.
It was one of the key nights of the annual meteor shower know as the Perseid, peaking every year between August 9 to 14. Because this annual "shower" occurs around the August 10 feast of St. Lawrence, a early Church deacon martyred for his faith (roasted over an open fire on a spit), it is sometimes referred to as "the tears of St. Lawrence".
It is so rainy and cloudy up here on the mountain, though, that I thought I had little chance of viewing it.
Before I went to bed, I did see Venus, Mars and Saturn arrayed around the crescent moon, but the rest of the sky here was clouded over.
I looked out my window at midnight, and there were no stars.
But at 3:30 am, I could see that stars were filling the part of the sky visible from my window.
In spite of the lure of my warm bed, I went outside and it was remarkable: every inch of the sky was full of stars! I saw the Milky Way and Venus was now directly overhead. I watched as several meteors streaked though the southern sky!
It was cold, perhaps in the upper-fifties, so I went back inside to put on my sweatshirt and windbreaker and spent the next thirty minutes watching the sky in awe. I was filled with wonder, thrilled with the enormity of God's creation.
I recalled the words that God spoke to Abraham, when He called him out at night and made His covenant with him, promising Abraham that his descendants would be more numerous than the stars that filled the sky that long-ago night.
Last night, I felt God's promise to me reverberate deep within me. I had a locution more than 32 years ago that God would be with me in my suffering. I felt Him say to me that long-ago night: "I will take care of you." He has, and He continues to care for me, and console me, so much. I know and believe that God is faithful! But with my depression and failures, I do not always feel that way.
I am certainly not worthy of God's promises or gifts, yet He gives them.
I have been so blessed, and so touched by the miracles of creation, by the depths and power of the sea, to the enormity of the solar system and stars, to the fires and heat of volcanoes and magma.
How can I keep from believing in You, my Lord and my God?!

Hilo Bay

I decided yesterday to do one of the personal things I had kept putting off.
With Karol's concurrence, I drove down to Hilo and rented a kayak for the morning.
There was no rain and only a very light wind on a sunny day, and I easily made it to the tsunami wall in the bay. (The wall appears as a low shadow in the distance in the first picture, well beyond the small sailboat.) The swells out beyond the wall frightened me, so I headed back in to shore. The ride in was rougher than going out, as it seemed I was fighting the tide.
Back on shore, I got my breviary from the car and prayed Morning Prayer, praising God for the majesty of His creation.
I saw Mauna Kea in the distance (see the second picture, with the kayak in the foreground), the highest mountain in Hawaii.
I was tired and had plenty of chores to do back at the house, so I strapped the kayak back to my car and returned to the rental agency.
When I got back to the rental location, I had a nice visit with the owner of the business. Turns out that he is a neighbor of mine, and operates a hostel just a mile from our house here on the mountain. He was a rough Texan, interspersing curse words throughout his conversation, telling me how he had managed to thrive on the Big Island, where it can be pretty tough. When he showed me a picture of his arrival in Hawaii 35 years ago on a sailboat he had built and with his two lovely children posing with him, I asked what the kids were doing now. His gruff exterior instantly changed, when he informed me that his son had died 10 years ago in a motorcycle accident. I told him I lost a child as well, and he shared something I hear a lot, but now question, regarding how you never expect to lose a child. I think that is a parent's worst fear, and it was always at the back of my mind. Before Aaron died, I hoped it would never happen, as I hope now that it does not recur with our other three children. But it can be a violent world, and I hope and pray for the continued grace of life for our family and for all.

Transfiguration!

What a bittersweet feast!
On August 6, Catholics celebrate the magnificent feast of the Transfiguration of Jesus on Mount Tabor.
Jesus gave James, John and Peter a sense of His majesty and glory when He was suddenly transfigured before their eyes, and was seen speaking with Moses and Elijah.
On August 6, 2002, I hospitalized my son, Aaron, against his will, calling the police to our house to break into his room and take him forcibly to Western Missouri Mental Health Center. I hoped that he would be transformed by this experience, and for a while, he was. He began taking his medicine again, went to therapy regularly, even twice weekly for a month, and enrolled in vocational rehabilitation.
But a little over three months later, on November 11, 2002, he had stopped his meds and therapy, and had seemingly lost hope again. This time, he called the police to our house. I later learned that one of the two policemen who had responded to our call on August 6 was one of the six policemen at our house on November 11. Before he entered our house, he had told another policeman, the commanding officer on the scene, that he had been there before, and that our son was ill. Nonetheless, on that later occasion, the commanding officer opened fire inside our house, shooting Aaron five times, while another policeman responded with three gunshots.
That same afternoon, Karol saw Aaron in the arms of Jesus, transformed!
On August 6, 1945, the US dropped the first atomic bomb on a public site, the city of Hiroshima.
On another August 6, in 1978, Pope Paul VI died, passing into glory. I loved Pope Paul VI because of his courageous stand on human life, when he gave us his striking encyclical, Humane Vitae, in 1968.
I pray and believe that Jesus calls us all to transfiguration, and that this feast today is a call to glory, like that of the rainbow early this morning as the sun was just rising here in Mountain View!